People I Can Do Without
- A stranger on the train who wants to tell me about their bowel movements.
- A crying woman with a harpoon gun entering a sports bar.
- Any man with a birthmark shaped like a hypodermic needle.
- Anyone who takes off work on Ted Bundy's birthday.
- A priest with an eyepatch and a limp who's selling pieces of the cross.
- Any woman who repeatedly gives me a high five during sex.
- A cross-eyed man in a New Year's hat reciting "Casey at the Bat" in Latin.
- Any guy named "Dogmeat" whose body has over six square feet of scar tissue.
- A girl whose wallet contains nude photos of Sam Donaldson or Yassir Arafat.
- Any couple who owns "his and hers" rectal thermometers.
- Anyone who gets plastic surgery in an attempt to look more intelligent.
- Anyone who refers to Charles Manson as "Chuck."
- Anyone who receives e-mail from Willard Scott.
- A retarded twelve-year-old who carries more than six books of matches.
- Any man who gives himself a Harvey Wallbanger enema. On the rocks.
- A homely, flat-chested woman wearing a "Foxy Lady" T-shirt.
- Any person bleeding from three orifices who wants me to cosign for a loan.
- Guys in their 50s named "Skip."
- A cross-eyed nun with a bullwhip and a bottle of gin.
- A Boy Scout leader who owns a dildo shop.
- People with big gums and small teeth.
- Anyone who uses the word "Jesus" more than 300 times in a two minute conversation.
- A dentist with blood in his hair.